Obsessive compulsive Thoughts (Religion)

An overview of my OCD:

I have struggled with obsessive compulsive thoughts about religion and other intrusive thoughts since second year high school. It was very depressing and I had no one to talk to about this. I'am afraid that people would think that I'am crazy. I was reading the bible during that time and with no one to guide me I lost my way. My parents were not religious and I grew up in catholic family. My mom was working abroad and my dad care less.

At first I was like trying to be perfect. Of course I always wanted to follow Jesus ,but when I fall into sin I was afraid to be cut off and be punished or something. If something bad happens to me like if my teacher would scold at me or if I have bad grades I would feel guilty and thought that God is punishing me for my sins especially of my terrible OCD thoughts. I had this awful thoughts that comes into my mind that "I'am better than God" and many others. I know that is a lie but I just can't get it off my mind and it's like challenging God which is a terrible sin. For me there's no excuse for that. But then every time I tried to fight for it, the thoughts just keep on pressing on me. It just wont go away and I feel even more depressed about it. I also tried to ask God  about my OCD or if He is angry of the things that I do. To get the answers, I just opened my bible and pinpoint some verses and that also made my fear worst especially if I read some verses in the bible about sin and God's wrath and the like. I read the new testament, the book of Matthew and the Revelation which is of course I do not understand and that also stirs up my fear without anyone to help me and guide me. 

I have learned about my OCD on thoughts about religion when I was in my first year of College. I already have access to the internet. Before internet is just starting out in my country I guess. That was on the year 2004. I searched about my condition and I have also learned that there are other people like me. I tried some self help strategies online but nothing works for me. It will work for a while then it will come back again. 

I decided to just stop praying and believing that there is a God because I thought that that was the solution to my problem. Since I have OCD thoughts about religion that might stopped me from thinking of those awful thoughts. But then it just keep coming back and I still need to pray to God to make it stop. It also came to a point in my life that I blamed God for creating me this way and punishing me after I think of those thoughts. It all seems hopeless.

I made myself busy in my studies in College and somehow I didn't have time to think of those thoughts. But on occasion those horrible thoughts would haunt me again.

Turning point:

Only after 19 years that I have conquered my OCD thoughts. That is when I have known the Lord Jesus and have a relationship with Him. I was running away from God because I thought that was the solution. But then running towards God and knowing Him more is the only solution to my OCD. I have learned that He is loving, merciful, fogiving and that He wanted to help me. I have OCD because God wanted me to be closer to Him and to depend on Him. The Lord has taught me what to do and healed me. I could never do this on my own. 

What God has taught me?

I have watched preaches from Pastors online about how to manage my mind. I changed my religion I became a christian if that would help. It was not all easy. I also need to fight for my mind every time and even until today but only occasionally. The only difference now is that I have Jesus and the Father. The Holy Spirit is also there to guide me. I'am no longer alone in this battle. For the Lord fights for me. God is fighting for His children even today.

 I have also learned that there are 3 enemies of the mind which is:

 1. Old nature or our sinful nature

2. Satan 

3. The world's values.

If I wanted to defeat these enemies:

1. I must fill my mind with the words of God.

Matthew 4:4

People need more than bread for their life they must feed on every word of God.

2. Focus my mind on the right things.

2 Timothy 2:8

Keep your mind on Jesus Christ.

Philippians 4:8

Finally brother and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things.

3. Think about eternity.

Colossians 3:2

Let heaven fill your thoughts. Do not think only about things down here on earth.

4. Cry out to God.

Psalm 62:8

Trust in Him at all times, you people, pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.

5. Do not be afraid of your OCD and have faith that God will help you through this.

Isaiah 41:10

Fear not, for I'am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

6. Trust God that He will give you peace in your mind and in your life. Pray continuously.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Philippinas 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving. Let your request be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

7. Trust God that He is able to calm the OCD thoughts in you.
-Our God is able. Jesus is able to calm any storm in your life as well as your OCD thoughts. God is moved by our faith and not with our complaints.

Matthew 8:23-26
Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!"
He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

Ephesians 3:20
God is able to do far more than we could ever ask for or imagine. He does everything by his power that is working within us.

8. Make a covenant or promise to God.

We should not make promises that we can't keep. But sometimes we are only human and not perfect so we broke our promises. There is still hope though when we ask God for forgiveness, repent and start all over again.
Another thing that I did is that I made a covenant with the Lord not to think negatively against Him. Whenever a thought would come I would remind myself of my promise and that I'am sincere in keeping it no matter what with the help of our Lord Jesus.

I hope that this article would help you and change your life. May the Lord Jesus heal you and help you as you depend on Him. God bless you!